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Parent Workshop, June 2 with Clinical Psychologist Dr. Robin Goodman and SJU Director of Graduate Studies in Psychology, Dr. Marlene Sotelo-Dynega. SJP'94

Show Transcript

Grace well everybody thank you for having me and dr. Goodman I think this is just a wonderful opportunity for me to remain connected to you know where I came from amazing how the foundation many ways not when I was in high school a social justice as I went on to become a psychologist over the years I've worked in the public schools in New York decided to pursue further training to better understand discrepancies that I was personally experiencing among children of color and diverse backgrounds St John's University where I practice I graduated with my doctorate from St John's University in Psychology and shortly after graduating I was hired as a faculty member of the end of my 13th year at st. John's on school psychology Master's and doctoral program I've also identification of Dyslexia and other writing in math disorders who are who are because of their diversity and to be a higher risk of being either identified as something that they're not disability wise or not identified when in reality they do have disabilities so that kind of brings me connection back to St John's was last year and I gladly accepted and so a member so happy to see the amazing changes that have happened over the last year when the transition to Virtual School in such a short time span Incredible 2 what has been done so you're in good hands and I feel very privileged and to introduce you to dr. Robin Goodman who is an expert on this topic a lot of experience with care, all kinds of mental health issues and learning issues trauma is a very unique you have to be cautious with how we approach children and teens I will share screen out without doctor Goodman can people see that yes thank you for having me and you know what a wonderful caring Community it seems like you all have and I just also wanted to you're the focus of this talk was in a supporting your quarantine love whoever came up with that title helping teens cope with covid-19 and I see this as a lot of Lost working on this before all this happened with George Floyd and I don't want to continue without acknowledging the challenges that just for all these teens didn't I experience it in my own way and everyone in their own personal way and you know I think that topic deserves its own Forum I'm not an expert on Marlene has some X there's so much more to be said but in the meantime there is some of what I say tonight that maybe you can apply to all the different challenges you know you and your family are facing right now you know I hope so and you know the expert on your child not me you're the expert on your family so hopefully there's something you can take away with a new idea and then new strategy and maybe there's some other things you can think you know that's afraid I realize I am doing a good job and I didn't realize that I doing the right thing to say how to help you but you should also you know take out the word and believe how to help yourself it's how to help anyone in these who sings we all sometimes need to get through a really tough time I'm so so how to manage I think there's a lot of information that makes this hard changing situation the stress of the virus now we have the added layer of you know the recent but how to manage all that and cope with it really is what's important for good health and well-being and go together what it's like in terms of you know some way way look at that pandemic right now what are teens in particular facing developmentally what you can expect to see from them and hopefully maybe more important in the big takeaways and also maybe just a few things to think and maybe you need to reach out to people at the school or somewhere else needed for extra help do things that are different about it is that it affects do you is the caregiver in the parent intacta just like your kids are it's you know maybe in a different way but you're all having to go through this experience together as opposed to others things that happen in life where it's no your child it's a tragedy, for an individual this is really a community one as well as an individual one right now on top you know there's a lot of money cuz it's been going on for so long I think it makes it more challenging, is that the end is near the old when is it over if we knew when it was over I think people would feel like they have more control and I like to tell people Subway's this is a marathon when people run a marathon in New York City marathon Staten Island they can actually knock CBN keep going and so it's important maybe sometimes to realize that you know this is a marathon and you don't know where the end is like there will be an end that he needs to keep going although sometimes you need to stop and rest this disrupts family and finances Sears unlike some other things that happen in life there's a realistic component in terms of you know your help and that makes it all a little more challenging because you know there is an act it's too bad I'm at how you have to help your kids and yourself and the natural unusual supports are disrupted so although you may have access to all the people at school you'll physically get that again that you know look for and there's a lot of information which in fact that can make it much more challenging as well because you have access to it you're bombarded with it so these are things that aren't stupid you're feeling overwhelmed when your kids are there's real reason for that in terms of this be traumatic for people in particular again probably not a surprise to anybody that has anybody 13 and over as well as the rest of the other kids in the world uses of their social experiences are missing there's a normal things that are missing in terms of their peer interactions and their support kids talk about it's not just you alright it's Miss the casual conversation when you're changing classes it's just not the same whether you're communicating on Xbox or FaceTime it just is not the same as Direction I'm they also have worried cuz they're at that age when they understand more they understand the future and their family and everyone's help their brain is still developing again something that every is probably obvious to everyone on this call, so their judgment and the risk-taking it's too release for No frost up to what your brain is telling you is right and wrong and safe and not safe so it's challenging for them and for you and their need for Independence and privacy crucial time for that and that's why I'm kind of changed like that right maybe they're finding it an easier time cuz they're avoiding situations that were high another chance is like you know how do you do some things behind Mom and Dad's as a teenager whether they should or shouldn't they don't even have that option besides maybe you know if screens for too long so a lot Kaiser at this point where there are more challenging for them right now in terms of dealing with change of lost burning everything about how they work so many changes in Tradition family members that sense of Freedom just being able to walk to or from school or go somewhere without somebody really you know looking and seeing everything you're doing and then the challenges of the Unknown People you know I hear a lot about this that you know for some of us things change with reopening some adults might be really excited about that I feel uneasy about that again it's what are all of these things like for your child and use a family individually and know that how it is for you may not be how your child thinks it a little bit of conversation you can see why some of these things will apply to all the top things that teens are going through you know in Paris or affects their identity impotence help their role in the family you know I would have been negative so we have kids to know maybe you're having to take a more of a chair taking roll on a younger sibling or maybe they're having kitchen more at home green poop in toddlers not all bad Security Financial on Berry you know some of those grown up things but they don't have all the necessary year what kind of ways to manage them and then lost and change in terms of meeting and goals and rituals and things that are call post-traumatic growth means that you can grow from things that are shaped like an actually you can develop more meat you can have new dreams based on what you've gone through play this ash is if you've been through something difficult first so it's just to keep open that idea that you know I have things go on and ask this I don't know what over mean but there will be some other things positive we talked about Silver Linings those two things to this true actually researched and your teens might surprise you in terms of their emotional development I think about for the future how much is happening right now or climate change we all know that you are so one thing I want you to think about when you're dealing with your team name thing if you know know if you remember nothing else to every now and then I'll say here's one of the things to remember is that you can think about whatever you're seeing and however you or your cheetahs react break it down to what is there sauce everything is connected in those ways and the reactions are having to the pandemic over to the summer B you know Gerald explain how are they thinking about it how are they feeling about it and what they actually doing about it and you can actually then help them with coping by looking at these three different areas and how they're connected so what is a trauma you know sometimes you can't sleep it up intruding thoughts and I may be images of things that you see or have seen you have trouble concentrating trouble learning these are all very normal reactions by the way. Esteem you're not feeling so great about yourself for whatever reason things are going so well you feel a little out of control or things are out of your control that we have, you have feelings that are very common typical so feeling like that butterflies in your stomach feeling Phillies to be physical as well and when you're sad when you're angry you may feel you know when you're embarrassed you instill that redness in your face your heart racing when you're nervous worried overwhelmed those are all ways to get your body to respond and so when you're feeling overwhelmed and threatened and scared about this virus those are some of the things that can happen will he have physical complaint typical typical during this pandemic time is you'll feel irritable baby with strong social younger kids and sometimes for younger kids feel like doing anything changing eating or sleeping a lot more or a lot less either one of those things very normal things that this is a good way to think of pictures of powder also in terms of what happens though with those things I like to think about, like we would think about any Weatherspoon injury right now this is an injury and a trauma when you're feeling overwhelmed threatened you no injury sometimes obviously different as many ways as though there is a physical injury when we think about you know like this I like to think of this like any kind of healing process so if somebody broke their leg and they would be on crutches and then gradually would need the crutches anymore they would go to physical physical therapy eventually baby going on their way so much already people will recover and do well from this as well there's a very natural course to the healing of this kind of emotional trauma as there is to any other kind of trauma way of thinking about it so you know as things progressed or is less than you may feel but like okay we don't have to be so so careful and then over time you'll feel more like yourself feel more like you can get going again and like I said the majority of people do very well is what that recovery and then down the road if they're not doing so well just like every now and then some chips are not feeling the way they should and then they need some extra help so the way to think about the ceiling is thinking about resilience cuz I think any time we talk about any kind of trauma other side of that is talking about resilience very specific meaning and it was first the positive adaptation to adversity, tragedies threats even significance we don't make it through life with we also know we typically off drain to waste through them because it's considered ordinary and extraordinary so that's because resilience is something that we all have the capacity for the things outside of us that can help with every individual has capabilities and experiences that makes them able to be resilient and the same family they may not do it the same way and there's different kinds of external and internal support I can shape we're going to talk a lot about how you can support these cheese as the external support that will build their internal resources resilience totally you're starting to feel better already with things you're doing is listening to this which is you know getting help and support as one of those resilience-building things so what are the things that make kids resilient ability to get so I'm communication and communicating how you're doing getting that help past tense of Chris communication from Teen comes in other ways that we don't like it's a kind of negative communication but it's a communication than the left when they're angry they are communicating something when they're quiet they're communicating something how do you use communication and helpful ways to manage them never to get rid of it not to have it because that would mean that you're kind of not human and it's part of light but resilience means you find a way to manage it have an active approach to problem-solving realistic plan to proceed experiences in a constructive manner get back to that making meaning and post-traumatic growth kind of concept in your abilities. You know I think one of the best analogies today is like helicopter parents and parents got a bad rap intrusive labels these days know the reason for that is because that difficult for kids to get confidence in themselves so when you can help kids develop that inner confidence not doing it for them but helping them develop a way to do it for themselves and even if we're themselves mean asking for help and then also using space to maintain a positive perspective that means thinking that even if it's not good now I have this hope in that idea that it will be and somewhere keep that in your mind going through a tough time does it mean it's good every minute it just means that somewhere down the road you can imagine like that marathon in so in terms of helping yourself and helping your pants what you want to do is Target to try and remember the thoughts and when you address any one of those it will help the other two so when people feel tense and worried and there are a lot of their mind they feel it in there bodies right to the stress will put your body into fight or flight or freeze mode automatically right we're all very familiar with that concept when you're feeling overwhelmed or threatened and with we noticed you're having some thoughts in your mind negative scarier overwhelming when you come down the alarm it will help your body and then you'll feel better if you manage those feelings that you're having in your body it brings to mind in the body back to the present to the ear and now rather than focus on where you are and doing something to feel it will help change your mind and again it takes back control I'm going to give you the control over what's going on rather than having your thoughts control you so how do you actually do that in terms of targeting the triangle example and you as the family decide what must a child is very nerve it's about it even even to go out a little bit but let alone you know far and wide so it's like okay what are you afraid of what and then you can talk about what what do we actually know what is the doctor say what is the government say let's find some information to help you with those scary thoughts and problems what's the evidence is the earrings that you may have to when you're nervous and thinking about going outside again right or should you see your friends or not are people wearing a master knot of your outside and you think people should in there and maybe you're feeling yourself get more nervous so worried and you're breathing fast on your heart's beating fast well then what do you do to feel better you would do some relaxing things you do some breathing you distract your mind so then your body feel better cuz you know what we all know sometimes you know if you're feeling nervous or angry or upset and you listen to music or body and your different kind of estate so let's say somebody's afraid again to go outside and they've been inside or they don't want to go outside but they're still scared might want to do stay well let's do small steps looks looks look out and see what it's like let's find a time of day it seems to be safer you know just walk the dog for 10 minutes around the block know that's a little different than you know we're going to go to a neighbor's BBQ I'm so Jen knows think about what it is better so spots I was feeling what are the behaviors that might do to manage whatever those scary things are feeling there's always expression and creative Outlets the kids are feeling angry and scared and worried how to make music about it you know they could express it all sorts of other ways you know I don't even there's no way they could do that as well but I won't breathe also seeking social support because sometimes whether if you know Xbox or FaceTime or just coming to you forecast look like playing a game and that's the version of social Port maybe it's talking maybe it's no looking at the news and look at researching something together maybe it's you talking about what's comforting human kind of project that is what's important and now we just have to do it another time so how how do you actually do this and what do parents have to do you know the triangle was the first thing I wanted to think about it whenever you're having reaction to something about what am I what am I doing to make it better baby worse so this is the other thing is you have a lot in terms of Brazilian first thing is just being a parent means sometimes or what's going on and sometimes that means taking a pause until you do have more patience some of that Salon gone but what can you do to have some patience limits are still always appropriate on to think about no certainly something's there may be relaxed a little bit speed limits to feel like you know their structure routine in their life will be okay and there's some accountability so there's appropriate behavior versus negative attention realizing it and praising teens can go a long way if they seen him for things even that you think they should be doing they still appreciate knowing that you noticed it so you know that goes for everyone every negative attention-seeking important thing if remember nothing else is to be a role model it's the old put your oxygen mask on first and then it doesn't you should experience them but it also means that you have the power to help them feeling calm by, the more you can take care of yourself the more you can what you are staying at the appropriate in terms of your Healthy coping the better it is typically know the visualized you tell your kids to get off their social media you're using it all day and all night so it's modeling and acting actions do speak louder than words and their actions because if we know things are not always using their words are you just feeling something you don't know attached to it encourage communication with simple statements and open-ended question Coronavirus let them know that they can come to you at any time when they feel like talking right and there's no it's an open-ended and it's not my role the behaviors the eye roll but that doesn't mean they're not also listen with their ears, we know that makes you stop then you know you've lost an opportunity right now we know how many of us here can say things that we said you know we couldn't stand hearing we thought we'd ever say those again when we were appearing and when we grew up and there we all these messages you get into them even though they're just so empathy and validate their feelings with warmth and expressed concern Everyone likes to be heard in the message you know we all acceptance over range of feelings in another big thing right now is no expectation it's not that there's no expectations so much as you have to be careful of what the expectations are there's no expectations for her you certainly may have expectations for how they also know judgment judgment shuts down in the assumptions and sometimes now you have to realize what are you going to let go in terms of what's acceptable and what isn't know there's plenty of things that might go by the waist let them use so much. You know this is a very difficult to see how all of you are managing and figure out you know what's your name probably not going to happen so think about where you are in that range for all those different things so talk listen to what they say and that means question more than left which I'm sure you know and then it's always more than one kind of having discussions right looking at the sources you think it or not when you are still was forced for your source of information a resource for knowledge so if they are talking to you and telling you things that you don't quite think correct misinformation you decide what sources weather is the CDC weather as you know your doctor you decide what you think are good sources and share those with your chin and share and talk about why and they can share their cuz it's much more about a discussion rather than you know just telling them what to do it's really helping inform them and reinforce safety on no structure obviously can think of now what's that going to be like in the summer that routine and that structure and how is it going to change cuz it's pretty much always and so how is that going to change but how do you have some to what has worth what does work. Everything is straight and it's also providing some. perspective to you know what this time. Is and isn't it looking at it in terms of you know the rest of their life the rest of their year if it's a pretty clean hard will not be next summer what will be just like this June is different than last June whenever you can include your team you are empowering them cuz right now this whole situation makes everyone especially cheese feel frustrated in all of us that we feel helpless we feel hopeless out of control this whole thing is out of our control you know short of me coming up with a vaccine I don't have control over it right but I do have control over what I do you know in terms of my work life my social life my friends my Family Shooting then getting them some control personalizing the solution makes them feel more in control more empowered and then they can get in and get out and that's what's really important it's not telling them but it's including them cuz we all know the more involved and included the better off eastmeeteast and you weren't also monitor your own use of media again as I do also what they're looking at never give themselves I think credit for how much they have to manage and juggle know the old saying you know your works the other way to write so why do parents only think it works one way you're happy then also your kids will see you happy so I think it's at the feedback loop that works both ways encouraging expression no pictures music connect Independence when they need it worse does a lot of work with kids and he is a great way to think about how you want to think of your kids in terms of what will help get them through life so here's what I call being a coping coach and four quick ways to think about it and some specific so the first thing is when your kids are having a how are you ever going to have any of these conversations with your team is asking acknowledge so what do you miss the most who do you miss the most what's work so far and what do we have to do differently do you have a whole bunch of experience now you can use with them to talk about this now that school is ending in the summer you would have figured out a way to make school and and make the summer start and whatever it is even in small ways to make it looks different still different what do you know it's a lot about them and not you also what's going on very open-ended what's going on what's going on and how can I help so once you ask him just what to do about it yes to realize that I don't know how you feel I know how you feel maybe so there may be things in your life you can talk to them about that are similar that you've been to talk about how you got it's still you want to say how is this compared to how you are feeling. Assuming how I feel and then it except into just that this won't be the same we will get through this better days are coming and I think they can only come after you first say this is upset cuz you really need to accept acknowledge all of that first so that they feel heard so this is why this is what we can do about it and let you know it's tough. perspective on this and then that you can focus on the here and now and it is not forever but you can manage the here right now and then act and access your strategies right so you're going to use facts rather than and you're going to take responsibility each of you and you're going to communicate that trust with your team and that's an ongoing conversation right so let's try this you take responsibility for that I trust you with this note trusting you'll have to find new areas away give that to them in this unusual text you no more can we search together right so what's worth what can we do whether other people doing you know what what things can you do over the summer virtually so much online in some ways I think therefore what time is it in the internet in no it's how we get through all of this as challenging as it is and then collaborate and plans to work together predicting planning ahead and then realized of reevaluate try something else senior resources cuz it takes a village so if you don't know something ask you no friends neighbors always to help you out with things I'm and then like I said change when it's necessary just because you thought it was going to work and you know what that was not the right plan we failed crystalised the strategy you know create move explore and then somehow so that there's this ritual are some acknowledgement that it's not just even so much of its the same how can we make it feel and look a little bit different when he created waste you and your team you know that I was saved in a few minutes for any question when to get help you know find of Thrive but a certain percent will have a harder time there certain reasons why you know in terms of all the risk factors that kids have in terms of you know how they were doing beforehand whatever difficulty player maybe there's really sad that you've had to contend with no loss of family members or you know other things related to so but some will be harder in the things you want to look at because you know them you're the experts know what you see what's different so is this something that's getting worse is it going on a long time is it happening more often and is it interfering with them getting along and doing things that they should be doing as a team basically look at depression as a more isolated withdrawn hopeless here in there something awful happened but we are having a hard time they're having some trauma reaction sleeping well they're not eating as well more or less risky Behavior you know that acting out is always a concern on cuz it means there if they're not managing things while they're not finding comforter things to do that are helping themselves and their feeling out of control I'm again actually overwhelmed if they're not interacting in whatever ways minted ways with family and friends earlier no matter what it is that one just for a couple of minutes last she probably 8 seconds really not even know how I thought I'd give you a chance to maybe take care of yourself answer some questions and I think less of times when you ask when you say to somebody that's feeling upset or agitated just take a deep breath right and I think sometimes that sounds kind of challenge I want everyone to imagine what that would be my favorite pizza place like an ocean a stained and I want you to imagine that imagine that is a little kid what is Teachers perfume so I don't you know it's totally up to you what your smell is get a lot of coffee and lavender but whatever works for you know I want you to imagine what it looks like where you are when you have that what you see around you from the people are everything about that snow I want you to imagine then if you can close your eyes and imagine it's your birthday if you can have this you can be in that place you can be with those people you can be in a room and a place filled with it as much as you want and I want you to put your hand on your belly and imagines balloon inside and wants to breathe I want you to feel your belly feeling up with your breath and count in or 4 and hold it and then I would imagine a birthday cake in front of you and slow we blow out for birthday candles in the balloon in your belly will be slate Steve stair how it feel Sims 4 for free for making brains out and blow out those for birthday candles and you can do that as much as you need and it's a great thing for you to do when you need a car it's a good thing for you to do your teen and compare and talk about what your smells are and see how you can just both maybe sometimes take a pause are now so that's something to do for your body to coming down which hopefully will then you know make sure you know your mind also feel a little more centered and I know we have a few minutes Marlene questions from people be happy to answer any of them asking how best to justify a routine list all the chaos that's going on with a teenager you know what I think you need to talk to them about it I think you help them see that routines are really important in life are some of this energy again as I say it helps organize the day it helps you get through the day he can help you with the routine I think part of it is the routine may have a bed sound with but routine just means how are you going to what do you want to do and it's a way to get watch Lucy and decide what it is so just like you know maybe you would like them to get up at a certain time every day and you would like them to do something productive I would like them to read and he would like them to get exercise maybe you have to pick and choose okay how many times a week can you do that how many times a day could you do something and so the routine is more about let's pick some things that we can agree on that you and I think are good for you to do and how can we plan rather than maybe using the treaded word of a routine or a schedule he's don't like the worst schedule but I think you have to tell them that it helps people feel better you can tell them that and then maybe we need to experiment and see how you feel and see what kind of structure routine and plan for about it we have another question child is experiencing especially impacting their eating and sleeping when should I be concerned and what will be the next step yeah well again you know that concern is about how long it's going on is it interfering the intensity of it the duration like I said and then if you think about it Fox feelings and behaviors so what is that eating Behavior attached to write so what's the thought behind it what's the feeling are they feeling bored I feeling overwhelmed I think worried I might be feeling scared and you have a different way to talk about it rather than to eat more or less I'm right cuz then you know you're missing you know the opportunity to address another party because they have all those other options to help it out Eat This Not That last you know focus on weigh-in again look at that question know what's going on for you and then you can about it in a different way rather than just the eating you know the cortical eating issues another Quest since I'm not worried about it much more afraid to go outside well that's in a venue how to have a good conversation with them about you know here is about something you know fears related to some worried about right or scared of you know sometimes the way to talk about that again is to use some thoughts in terms of you know what you're talking about scared about I'm getting sick if somebody said you know what I don't like the color red and I say to you don't think about the color red what do you do you're thinking about the color red if I say about the color yellow that you're thinking about the color yellow so that's kind of a roundabout way to explain smg4 if you're worried and scared about going out if you talk about this is what we healthy this is why we stay healthy this is what we're doing is a family this is how I want to take care of us so if you change the conversation it's not about not addressing next year it's not about whatever information you're looking at that's informing that Indian but it's what can you do about it becomes what else can I do in terms of my thoughts and prayers to focus on rather than just that I don't see any additional questions you actually have one more question and that is if one of the parents gets sick and how to handle that it terms it well how to handle it in terms of what there's a lot of aspects to that right one is the physical piece to that in terms of how to manage that is a family what to do to keep everyone safe and healthy the other thing is to talk about any you know fears or worries about that and again being using appropriate accurate language if it's a teen then obviously they have access to a lot of information and you want to help them with what is reliable what's not so that you are the source of that information on buddy empowering them with what can they do to help the situation if a parent is sick but also talking about whatever fears that I can send you theirs there's a sheet I have no offense was a resource for when kids have some current concerns about maybe being separated from family members or if they're worried about them those are real again back to the beginning there's some real fears that are better not just in their imagination but it's talking about what can we do about them what happened me I do have one more question. So this is pandemic and and these events around us what about these new feelings my team has developed in regards this year of death and how do you discuss that with cheese in a reassuring way well I Street you know the the answer is right there question that is disgusted with your teen when it's a fear that specific like that I think you get to do that triangle look at their their feelings and behaviors if they have a fear of death that sounds like that's actually the fear I'm not saying that it's not but it's like what about that are they afraid of right is it what would make I'm sick on what was happening when it would happen all of those two things so actually there's more to that in terms of the sauce that are related to that fear that would be important to know and you know how about that that may help you with the behaviors that that child that's he might be able to do to help themselves if they need help is it need saved to make sure not to slow whatever it is then you may have an opportunity there for then it how can you what can you do when you are feeling scared distract yourself can you put yourself in a better mood because we need to do we sometimes have to live with fear all the time and again you know we seen that right now and so how can you help your child with living with knowing that it's possible so it's giving them those tools as well remember it's not about you no taking away all anxiety it's learning how to manage it I don't have any more questions on my end nothing thank you so much thank you love you and you know I must say you also have a great resource right there in front of you all of you in terms of your guidance Department all of that your faculty you know when your best resources dr. Sotelo would you share with the parents of those two phone numbers do you want me to read the mail for you don't want to just send them to me and what we can do is we can share them with the parents but could you tell them what Saint John's University offers so Stevens we have a center for psychological dislocated slightly off campus do offer Telehealth Services Under the Sea vision of Licensing services for severe types of issues that are emerged at the emergency but if there are signs that are associated with a child's response to what's been going on or if you notice that your child was anxious and is now more anxious we have services that could possibly suit that teens need so that's one resource that you can most certainly do we have a limited number of being assigned but it is a resource they do offer sliding-scale services are pretty reasonable resources that I can actually put a list together and email use of it and send it to the parents I was just to say sorry I didn't mean to partnership also provides trauma-focused cognitive behavioral therapy they provide individual No Child therapy for anybody that might be having a traumatic reaction and having a tough time with it I also have a bereavement group and they're doing that virtually so anybody you know I was fortunately that has also reached out to Childhood partnership for those Tuesday that they have you know I'm going thank you we have anybody else have any last minute questions but we are a very happy that all of you were able to switch and we miss you a great deal I see Miss Martinez is here as well the president would you like to say anything you unmute I just want to say thank you very much I told him I wasn't going to ask this question but now that I'm here and how do we deal with students even as a parent that doesn't want to do the work see the Ender you know what's the big deal it's not the same as cool you know we have that kind of not hopelessness but almost they don't want to be there anymore Jack Lee how to solve that problem you know the first thing is I want everybody to keep a perspective here I've worked with kids for a long time I was at school this is always terrible time of year are always tired they're always worn out they never want to keep working so let's keep the normal part of this in line what have you done before when they were tired and how is this a year ago two years ago you're tired and worn out of school the second thing is maybe he just have to think about what's a realistic expectation on crutches to see you know what you may not be able to ask him during a pandemic to function like it's a 50-yard Dash and they're going to get to the end and you just has a community at school parents about let's talk about what when you talk about you have to do it all it starts to feel overwhelming so help them manage in smaller pieces what's realistic would he have trouble with what do you think you can do that would make it in chunks make it in Doses and then help acknowledge the reality that it's really really know and how we going to get through this and what's your ultimate level of expectation I can say that is an outsider I don't have to say that as their teacher and I hope that the teachers would listen to their that's just the whole thing yes you know it's the teachers that we kind of you know that they really want to do their job well and they want to make sure that they're giving them all the information so you try to feel like you're in the middle they want to make sure that they're doing everything but so many of our students I use a term zoombies have become and they just are staring and you're wondering is it even helping is it effective are they getting everything out of it but even as a parent you kind of keep saying you still need to know this material you know no matter what life will go on next year you still need to know you're mad and we just all have to be very kind to ourselves I don't I'm not sure anybody's functioning 50% which is what I think New York teens and screens are expecting a what's realistic to get through to the end some cells have to just be more generous about anybody's fault but everybody acts as if they should be able to do a better have it figured out you know everybody's just doing no thank you thank you everyone and will send that will send her a note out to the people that were here this evening and just so you can share your thoughts with us and if you have questions further concerns and we will share that information as far as phone numbers are we miss everyone and thank you all good to see all of you I know I know we scream have a good night everyone Murray Avenue tomorrow morning being an amazing job keep it up Marley's thank you Robin thank you so much thank you appreciate that we appreciate will be in touch I'll send email. They have been listening to a lot is very informative crutches for sure how are you doing I know we do more Zoo so we all have our hair thank you so much. Determine that was wonderful your voice is so soothing I fell, I'm just listening to it very much everyone thank you thank you everybody

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